|Talking about our projects on a long run. Photo by Hilary|
I don’t know why exactly I’m doing what I’m doing. I laugh to myself as this thought pops into my head “I’m Noah building the Arc”. I’m not referring to a voice in my head tormenting me to do things. It’s more like a nagging, relentless, furious drive to act, to dive forward. I reckon the purpose will reveal itself at the right moment, as in, precisely when things click into place. I muse that people will then say this plan was mastered from the start. Regardless one thing is clear for sure, time is pressing.
Every morning I walk into corporate office and think to myself “how do I get out of this?” Every single day my whole being screams...
“I don’t want to be here”
Am I looking for another office job? No. I sigh at my desk, zombie-like delivering on KPIs. In between writing of boring reports, I spy with envy on Insta galleries of my favourite adventure photographers. I lose myself in the most gorgeous content … the likes of Mountain Life, Adventure Journal, Inner Voice Life, Eskapee with misting eyes. I research the lives of top travel bloggers with a progressively tightening throat.
|This image is taped to my notebook. Translation: "wtf am I doing here?"|
On such days when my mind wanderlusts, there’s no holding back of a rolling tear. I note that my pod-mates dart away their stares and are likely dying to probe with questions yet are afraid to. They must think I’m concealing a dark and unjust personal tragedy.
My discontent is so intolerable that I cannot do nothing. And so I started a to-do list. It looks like this:
- sell my belongings
- talk to my broker
- declare to everyone that I’m working on something incredibly cool
- continue to sign-up for mountain-skills certification courses
- put my condo on the market
Unsure what comes after the last bullet item. I’m executing this list subconsciously. Just as Noah built his Arc. Maybe he asked “why?” or “what happens next?”. It made no sense but he did it anyway. He knew things would work out.
Remember last week with Gary Robbins? We all followed the tweet updates and refreshed our web browsers every 5 minutes for news as he fought his way through the cruel Barkley Marathons. That footage of the finish line certainly gave reign to a range of emotions. For me, it was this pre-race interview that stirred me most.
He said he was doing Barley because of the near guarantee of failure. To Gary, a 0.01% chance of success was still a chance. He said, he believed. If you believe in yourself then all is possible. And no matter the outcome if he gave it all he had, in the end he won an unforgettable journey.
Some people trust experience, some people trust inspiration. Gary believed that his experience made it probable there was a margin that success could be his. Noah trusted inspiration. He didn’t question why exactly he was doing what he was doing. His faith was enough to believe a small margin of success would attain marvels.
I’m aiming for a little of both. I have enough experience to trust that I can accomplish what I set out to complete, and inspired enough to believe that there is purpose in my to-do list. Things will click into place.